Knot This Way
by americalovesthecockpit
Summary: For years America assumed he was just a basic beta. But then one day he suddenly goes into heat. He always thought omegas were gross so he does not take this news well. Omegaverse parody, crack, UKUS.


So this is a **parody of Omegaverse or A/B/O** or whatever you want to call it. I know there are a ton of different headcanons for this kind of universe and obviously I can't fit them all in one fic so I just chose some of what I've seen before. And of course some of this is just up to author's discretion, especially who is an omega, alpha, etc., where there's no right or wrong answers because Omegaverse is all AU by default anyway. Basically what I'm saying is **there are multiple sets of "rules" in Omegaverse and I had to pick and choose some because not all will fit in one fic.** Just wanted to put that little disclaimer there.

Anyway I'll shut up now. Typical warning for **political incorrectness, crack fic, and gross stuff**. Also one could argue that all Omegaverse is **dub-con** so that too.

America's POV.

X

One day, it was a World Meeting of the G8! Wowee, so exciting! I had very important topics to discuss with my fellow distinguished rich countries who are better than all those poor ones that we don't let in, haha.

"This is an international travesty!" I said to the others, who were gathered around the table that I was dramatically banging my fist on. "Millions of dollars have been wasted! I urge you all to support my class action lawsuit against Starbucks for under-filling lattes, those greedy grande assholes!"

It was true, you guys. You may have heard about this in the news, because it is real news and important for you to know. But Starbucks has been routinely under-filling lattes by only filling them to a quarter inch below the rim! That means they're under-filling drinks by 25%! Don't question my math—that is what it says in the actual lawsuit!

"Don't you think they're doing you a favor?" asked England, sipping tea to spite me. "Those drinks are more sugar bombs than coffee. Keep drinking them and your next complaint may be that your pharmacy is under-filling your insulin syringes."

"Pssh, yeah right," I scoffed at sassy ass England. "They don't come pre-filled, DUH! You have to roll the vial in your hand til it warms up then draw it up and measure it yourself in the syringe." Then my eyes nervously darted around. "N-not that I know firsthand or anything."

These guys never listen to me. Just like when I complained that Subway's footlongs were only 11 inches. I got my ruler out and measured and everything. But did they care? Noooooo. We had an official G8 vote and the official tally was 0 Fucks Given for my sandwich crisis :(

(Yes, we do votes sometimes in number of Fucks Given. It was my idea, hehe.) (Though it backfired on me that day ...)

"So NO ONE is with me? !" I yelled angrily at them. "Seriously? ! NONE of you? ! I mean there's gotta be at least …" I trailed off because it was just then that I realized that the room looked a little emptier than normal! Were we missing someone? I counted how many others there were at the table … 1, 2, 3, 4 … 5? That's it? !

Well, it was actually just the G7 now that we kicked Russia's pasty ass out. He got BAMHAMMERED in 2014 for being a nesting doll full of dicks. So that explains ONE out of TWO missing … but who else wasn't here?

When my mind returned to delicious but under-filled lattes and macciatos and frappucinos and other fake Italian names for things, I realized! "Oh, Italy's not here!" I said in surprise! "I should have known by the lack of garlicky smell in here."

Germany nervously cleared his throat. "Italy called out," he said. "He is … unwell."

"Honhonhon," France chuckled smugly and Frenchly. "Or to be more specific, he is in le heat."

"Oh, _GROSS!"_ I exclaimed. "I did NOT need to know that! Why'd he have to say that? That's TMI! He could have just said he had the runs or something."

For any of y'all who are confused by what France said, well don't worry boys and girls, I will explain it, grudgingly. Ya see, for us countries, we are all in one of three categories: alphas, betas, or omegas. Alphas are like … umm, betas are ...well, omegas they … shit I don't really know a lot about this stuff, actually. But basically omegas go into heat, I know that much. Like a dog. All they can think about is sex and they have this smell about them. And it drives the alphas CRAZY. There's more to it than that, but that's about all I know and care to know.

Why? Well, I'm a beta, THANK GOD. Which basically means our sex parts and drives are the same as a normal human's. I am SO glad to not have to deal with all that alpha/omega jazz. Going into heat? Or driven crazy by those that do? Please, I have much more important hero duties to concern myself with, like waiting for the foam on my latte to dissipate and measuring the milk.

Italy was the only omega in the G7. The rest of us were either alphas or betas. So if Italy was in heat he wasn't allowed to come, because his scent would drive the alphas crazy and our meetings would be useless and we wouldn't get shit all done.

"This meeting has been useless and we haven't gotten shit all done," said England, still sipping tea from a dainty teacup. "I say we call it a day."

"I agree with England-san," said Japan. "We should postpone until Itary is feeling better."

"How long's that usually take?" I asked them, stuffing a Little Debbie Snack Cake in my mouth, since I didn't know much about omegas and their heat cycles.

There was an uncomfortable silence in the room ...

But then France broke it, because France don't give a shit. "Zat depends on what happens during ze heat, hehe," he said. "But usually five to seven days."

"Jeez!" I exclaimed! "What a waste of time! Sucks for omegas. You know how much I could get done in that amount of time? That's a lot of games of Cut the Rope on my phone, that's for sure."

The three alphas in the room all flinched. I didn't really get why. Did they not like the game Cut the Rope? It is fun! You feed this cute little green monster guy candy and he eats it up like nom nom nom. I like it when he's happy :3

"Don't mention cutting things like rope ..." said France, looking slightly pained. "It paints too vivid a picture … what with knotting … and well, you get ze point …."

"Not really," I said, taking a huge bite out of a corndog. They all flinched again.

"Cough cough," coughed Germany. "M-meeting adjourned."

X

TEH NEXT DAY

I was feeling the mid to late afternoon blahs. You know like around 2 or 3 o'clock you're just like meh, I need a nap. That was me. Except even worse than usual! Normally I'd stop by Starbucks for an afternoon pick me up, but I'd feel like a hypocrite what with my pending lawsuit, so I had to stop by Dunkin Donuts instead.

Now I've been to DD many a times for their yummy donuts and regular ass coffee, but not their specialty Starbucks-esque copycat coffee drinks. But I figured might as well give them a try! America runs on Dunkin :) Or that's what they say at least. WE SHALL SEE, DD. CALM YO TITS. I'll make up my own mind!

So I ordered something called a Dunkaccino, which even _I_ was like, wow that name sounds friggin' stupid, haha. But at least they filled my drink all the way to the rim! Good job, DD! You did a good rimjob :) Wait-

Anyway, so then I went home, yay. I relaxed on my couch, taste testing the new drink, trying to decide if I liked it or not.

"Hmm!"I said aloud. "It's … _okay_. I like the chocolate flavors. And the quantity. And the PRICE that's for gosh darn sure, it's like a third of Starbucks' price. And _yet_ …" I was a regular coffee connoisseur over here, y'all. "... it's just not as good as Starbucks! SIGH!"

I sighed dramatically but drank the drink because I paid for it and I needed the caffeine.

As I neared the end of my drink, which didn't taste as good because like the sugar and crap had settled on the bottom, I started to feel weird. I felt tingly. Like my nerve endings were lit up like a Christmas tree! But it was not one of the four months it is acceptable to put up Christmas decorations in my country now.

"Wow, Dunkin Donuts' drinks must have more caffeine than Starbucks' drinks," I said out loud to myself, trembling a little. "Also it is very weird that their drinks' caffeine seem to go straight to my penis somehow!"

It was true, boys and girls. What had started as a generalized all over tingly, strange feeling quickly intensified greatly between my legs. I was suddenly very horny and even semi erect for no apparent reason. What the hell does DD spike their drinks with? ! What, is Bill Cosby working there or something? Damn!

These feelings were becoming impossible to ignore, so I didn't. I went to the b-room to take a shower, but I wasn't planning on doing much cleaning of myself- ironically, I was there to do DIRTY THINGS ;) I didn't even wait for that minute or two for the water to get warm. I jumped in the shower as soon as I tore my clothes off and the water was on. Not even cold water could dampen my ever eagerly growing erection! … well, I mean it literally _dampened_ as in got it wet … I meant like it couldn't stop it ... Goddamn words.

I leaned against the shower wall and stroked myself. FAP FAP FAP! I like jacking off in the shower because it is easy cleanup and I am lazy, haha. When I'm done, my hot white country gravy (lol get it? Because I'm a COUNTRY?) just goes right down the drain! I spray some Scrubbing Bubbles afterwards too. I'd hate to see the animation of those little scrubbing bristle things from the commercials killing my little spermies though. That'd be sad :(

"Oh, OHH ..." I moaned as I came. Well, that was quick! :I I'd barely started touching myself and already I was watching my cum run down my hand and swirl down the drain. Oh, well. I guess getting it done quick is a good thing when you are as busy as me! Because now I got this taken care of and can go back to important heroic matters. That 3 and a half star Yelp review of my local Dunkin Donuts wasn't going to write itself!

But when I went to turn off the water, I realized I was still hard! I looked down and there it was, staring back up at me with its one eye: my swollen, flushed erect erection looking eager as ever, as if I hadn't just cum a big load that was partially stuck in my drain cover with a couple of blond hairs. But I definitely had, so what the hell?

I didn't think too hard on my hardness. Instead I just went back to jerking it. ROUND 2 Y'ALL! Usually I need a sammich in between rounds so this was pretty efficient. But the thought of delicious PB&J was soon replaced with delicious filthy, perverted thoughts. Thoughts I'd never had before and it kinda frightened me how nasTAY they were. And how much they were turning me on! It was some serious sick shit, man. I needed church o_o

"Sssss ..." I hissed through my teeth, cumming again already. The water from the shower once again washed away my sin. (And by my sin I mean my semen.) It was another decent sized load, which is surprising, considering I'd had two gasms back to back like that. What the HELL was in that drink? !

I shut the water off. "Phew," I said, catching my breath. "Them Scrubbing Bubbles guys are gonna have their work cut out for them today! Sorry little dudes."

I stepped out of the shower, only to realize that my hard cock flopped along with me. "WHAT THE …!" I startled. How was I STILL hard? ! Okay, this was starting to get annoying. Two faps is enough. I got shit ta DO, you guys. So I tried to ignore it. I toweled myself off and started to get dressed. It was so weird to put pants ON when you have a boner, by the way. Because it's backwards. Like I was traveling back in time!

But just to fuck myself, not my mom like in Back to the Future. Does anyone ever think about how fucked up that is, by the way? That is one of my country's most classic movies, and a crucial plot point is the main character almost banging his own mom. Marty McFly, you crazy motherfucker.

I tried to distract myself with other important matters, like playing Angry Birds POP on my phone. There are a lot of bubbles to pop, boys and girls. But I still had the weirdest boner …

I was sitting on my couch with the game, wriggling uncomfortably in the seat because of my gigantic hard schlong, when I realized I was sitting in something wet. At first I was annoyed because I assumed it was a wet spot left from where Whaley had been on the couch, and he is NOT allowed on the furniture for that very reason! I was gonna roll up some newspaper and pop him one good on the nose for that.

But when I went to the bedroom to change pants I realized there was no need to spank my whale (not metaphorically.) Because the wetness wasn't from the outside of my pants, but the inside out! But there was no personification of Joy there at that moment like in the movie of the same name. Fear and Disgust sure were there though. I think Disgust puked in my brain. Because as I peeled my wet, sticky underwear off I realized this mystery liquid was coming from my asshole.

I hadn't gone to Chipotle recently, so what could this be? It wasn't shit. It wasn't piss. It was a mostly clear liquid, but a little milky or cloudy looking, and kinda sticky. It smelled weird but I couldn't put my finger on it.

I put my finger in it and looked closely. What the HELL was this stuff? ! I must be very ill, I concluded. Why else, during this moment of great confusion and Disgust, staring at this gross, smelly bodily fluid seeping out of my asshole and down my thighs … was my main thought, "SHOVE SOMETHING UP YOUR ASS!" ?

My asshole was begging me desperately to be filled, like it was hungry, but not for spaghetti. I had a very sudden urge to impale my rectum with anything around remotely penis-like! Which was very weird, because I'd never done butt stuff before. I'm a normal beta guy. We don't do butt stuff, okay.

Until that day, at least! I will never forget that day. You know how some things are so memorable, you never forget the date it happened? That was me that day. It was so memorable, maybe I should have a day to remember it, called Memorial Day. Wait shit-

Why was it so memorable, you ask? You're a Nosy Nelly. Well, if you must know, I took my own anal virginity, for one. And I wasn't very gentle with myself neither! I just shoved two fingers it and thrusted away. There was no need for lube. Whatever gross ass fluid was dripping out of me actually made pretty good lube. No, better than good. It was GREAT lube. The best darn lube I'd ever used. No need to stop and find a bottle of real lube or lotion or the I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray bottle, because it let me finger myself in a jiffy! Jiffy Lube.

I was on my bed with my head down, and my butt propped up in the air, and my arm reaching back and around to finger myself. My eyes squeezed shut as I moaned in sexy pleasures, "OooHHHOOoohHHH ..." The more I fingered myself, the more of that weird liquid seeped out. Each time I felt myself gush a little, a tingle of pleasure ran down my cock too. Never before had my sexual desire been so great, never before had I felt such pleasure, never before had I made so much of a mess in the bed, even when I ate cookies there. I came so hard, the mystery fluid dripping down my ass, thighs and right arm, gushing more as I blew another huge load all over my comforter. It was the most erotic and hot thing I'd ever experienced! (Though that did suck about my comforter because it doesn't fit in my washing machine.)

I collapsed against the bed and panted. It was over. But it was not over. Because I could feel my cock was still just as hard as before. It would _never, never, never give up,_ I thought. That is also an exact Winston Churchill quote *THE MOAR YOU KNOW.* He also said, "If you're going through hell, keep going." So I kept going!

I used three fingers next. My rectum craved more! Is it always such a sensitive organ? Mines was super sensitive. A slick, sloshing, squelching sound filled the room. Also an S sound was the hissing sound I was making, "Sssssssss!" in delicious sexual delight. I trembled as I came again a FOURTH time, for those of you not keeping score. How was I gonna explain this to my dry cleaners? (More like WET cleaners though, am I right? LOL)

I wish I could have stopped, but my body wanted more, more, moar. I rolled on my side and fondled my nipples with my other hand and my dominant hand (it was really dominating my ass that day, that's fo sure) kept thrusting in and out. My nips were really sensitive too for some reason. Weird! There are no Winston Churchill quotes about nipples though. At least none that I know of. I'll have to ask England next time I see him.

At this point, I was feeling very unwell. I was exhausted. I was dizzy. I was lightheaded. I was thirsty, and not just for dick, but for water. Like REAL H20 water. Between the sweat I was drenched in, the mystery butt liquid stuff, and all that jizz, I'd lost a lot of fluids. I had a headache and my arm and hand cramped from masturbating so much. My vision was getting hazy. I just wanted this to end.

But when I saw I was still hard after yet another orgasm only seconds later, I knew something was very wrong. Normal guys don't do this. Normal guys _can't_ do this … right? We need time to recharge! God made refractory periods for a reason! Or us guys would just fap all day long! And I have shit to do, like getting all litigious over under-filling my hot delicious milky lattes.

My own hot delicious milky man latte splurted out of my cock as I came yet again. But I took little pleasure in this _Fap_ puncino. I was exhausted. I felt sick. As the last of it trickled of my still hard Gold Member (that's what it's called if you are in the special Starbucks Rewards Program) my body gave up. I passed out in a puddle of my own smelly, sticky bodily fluids.

Turns out, I do NOT run on Dunkin :/

X

"Ugghhh ..."

When I opened my eyes, I wasn't in my house anymore. I was in a hospital room in a hospital bed hooked up to hospital machines. I was in a hospital.

"Where … where am I?" I asked.

"You're at the hospital," said who I realized was Canada, when my eyes finally focused. He was sitting in a chair nearby my bed.

Japan was also sitting in a chair next to Canada in this hospital. Just so we all know who's where and all. You're welcome for the imagery and crap. (Japan didn't say anything though.)

"When you didn't answer my calls or texts for while, I got worried," said Canada, starting exposition! "I texted you and invited you to Fuddruckers with me. I knew something was very wrong when you didn't immediately text back that you wanted to go to Fuddruckers with me. So I went over to your place to check on you and … well ..." He kinda just trailed off then.

OH SHIT. Canada found me naked collapsed in my own jizz and ass fluids, didn't he? With my fingers still sticky so that he knew they were up my butthole. Which was probably still all loose from what I did to it. Also I hope he didn't see that I haven't vacuumed in a while, that would be SO embarrassing!

"You'll be okay now though," said Canada, giving me a nervous smile. "You know, once you get used to it."

"Yes," said Japan. "You must make sure to stay propery hydrated though. Hydration is very important during that special time. Also make sure to get prenty of erectrorytes!"

"Yeah, or you'll pass out again," said Canada.

I glanced down at the IV line in my arm. Lactated ringer's, y'all. "Uh, right. Where the hell is everybody else? Are y'all two really the only ones who came to see me?" I asked. I mean the whole damn G7 is here in town, and I'm in the hospital as has previously been established, and only two Give Enough Fucks to visit me? I capitalized that because I suspect they had an official Fucks Given vote. Apparently it was just 4:2.

Canada and Japan exchanged awkward glances, then looked back to me. "Well, um, the alphas couldn't visit you … _for obvious reasons,_ " said Canada. "And Italy is still dealing with his own heat."

"Pssh!" I scoffed. "What obvious reasons? That they're ASSHOLES? I'm glad to learn who my _real_ friends are. BETAS FO LIFE, right guys?" Then I held out a bro fist.

But neither of them bro fisted me back. Instead they just looked at each other nervously again, making :/ faces at each other.

"Y-y'all are really gonna leave me hanging?" I asked, trembling a little. "B-bros? Brahs? Broskis? You know I meant betas like our sexualities, not the fish you can buy in cups at Walmart and then put in a bowl to die a week later, right? Just to clarify."

"Eh, do you really not understand what is going on?" asked Canada. "I thought it was obvious? How do I explain this … Help me out here, Japan ..."

"No thank you, Canada-san."

"Well, jeez! I don't know how to explain it to him!" bitched Canada. "Didn't England or France teach him about the birds and the bees and the walruses growing up? This isn't my job!"

If you're wondering what the hell the walruses thing is about, it's because us countries, having a more complicated reproductive system, have an extra animal in our metaphor. And just like the original "birds and bees" one, the walrus part makes no sense either. Walruses have HUGE penises though. But that is common knowledge, so no need for _the more you know_ thing. You know.

"Why am I wearing a friggin' diaper?" I asked. "I am a grown ass man."

"Oh my God, you're in heat, America!" exclaimed Canada dramatically! :O "There, I said it ..."

"Heat?" I scoffed. "That's for pussy omegas. I'm a cool beta. We don't go into heat. That's why we're COOL. Get it? Tell me if my temperature metaphors are over your head. I know my jokes are at an advanced reading level."

"It's true though!" said Canada. "You went into heat and passed out from overdoing it. Can't you feel it? Don't you feel different? And you're leaking anal lubrication, in preparation for mating, it happens during heats ... that's why they put you in a diaper ..."

"NO!" I shouted. "I can't be an omega! EEW! I've never been in heat before, why now? !"

Japan talked this time. "You are rerativerly young, America-san. This would be your first heat. You must be a rittle bit of a rate broomer."

"A WHAT?"

"Prease, calm down! There is no need to get upset."

"How about I do, ANYWAY?"

"Japan's right," said Canada. "It's not really that big a deal being an omega. You just gotta get used to going into heats. I'm not an expert, since I'm a beta and haven't personally dealt with this, but … from my understanding, the most important things are keeping away from the alphas because of your smell, and keeping hydrated if you try to take care of things yourself."

"This is so stupid!" I snapped. "Why the hell are we like this anyway? ! I mean, our bodies are supposed to be like humans, right? So why don't we have the same reproductive systems as them? Oh nooooo, it couldn't be so simple! It has to be like DOGS or something. We get every body part of humans except this, it's just randomly DOGS! What kind of sense does that make? It's not like we can actually make babies anyway, unless a new country is formed! And how often does that happen? ! NOT VERY. So we go through all this grief of heats and crap and for what? Nothing to show for it!"

Japan answered, "It is a leftover, ancient system from back when we did produce countries. It goes back to when countries were being formed, rike from Pangaea."

"That ASSHOLE!"

I wanted to cry. I have made fun of omegas my whole life. And now apparently I am one. What did I do to anger God? Now He is punishing me by making me weak and crave the D. And not just any D. Weird alpha D that does strange things I don't understand. (But also regular D too, omegas ain't picky.) In fact, I dared not close my eyes, lest all I picture were penises … penises EVERYWHERE! Like a forest full of big thick redwoods, but they were white woods. Maybe a couple blacks in there too actually.

"Prease don't cry, America-san," said Japan, trying to be comforting but being too awkward to make a difference. "In 5 to 7 days, you will be your normal self again."

I was sobbing, like my asshole also was.

"Yeah, it'll be okay," agreed Canada. "Can you maybe chill?"

"How about maybe YOU chill?" I snapped back. "YOU don't have to deal with leaking buttholes and being plagued by nonstop thoughts of 101 DOG DICKS around you like I'm up in Cruella Deville's house or something."

Canada looked deep in thought, then like he suddenly got an idea! "Oh, I suddenly have an idea!" he said. "You're right, we don't know what it's like. So why don't you go talk to another omega, and they can help you during this time?"

"That's a great idea," said Japan, because you know _I_ didn't say that shit. "Italy-san is dealing with his heat right now. He probabry can offer you advice on how to cope."

"Yeah, go talk to Italy!" agreed Canada.

"But I just went to Sbarro yesterday," I said.

What will my citizens think when they learn that their proud, brave hero country is actually an omega bitch, forced to be a slave to his own hormones 5 to 7 days a month, craving wieners even more than burgers? They will be so ashamed of me! What will Obama say? He will probably _un_ -repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell because he wouldn't want to hear about my filthy omega buttsexcapades! What would George Washington say? He won't want my sticky fingers in his peanut butter anymore after knowing where they've been, that's for sure. Shit that's George Washington Carver but whatever. What will my future president (? ?) Donald Trump say? Probably something homophobic.

I already know what loser presidential nominee Ted Cruz thinks. An EXACT QUOTE from him says, "America has always been best when she is lying down with her back on the mat." I SHIT YOU NOT. Google it if you don't believe me. Okay first of all? Ouch to the female article! Just because I'm an omega doesn't mean I'm a girl! And secondly? What the hell, Cruz! I am NOT my best on my back. DAS GAY. And very omega like! I do NOT want to hear your sexual fantasies about me, ugh.

I am not best on my back. I refuse! Just like I refuse to be an omega! GRRRRR!

"OH MY GOD!" exclaimed Canada! "Put down the knife, America!"

"I can't be an omega!" I sobbed! I had whipped out a pocket knife in case you were wondering wtf was going on. "I can't deal with losing a week a month! I got shit ta DO!"

Japan informed me, "America-san, if you are attempting seppuku, you are doing it wrong."

"Ugh, no! I do NOT want a bunch of guys circle jerking around me and cumming all over my pretty face!"

"That is bukakke, not seppuku-"

"America!" shouted Canada. "Are you aboot to cut off your own penis? !"

"Gee, Canada, was the fact that I was holding a knife up to my dick your first clue? You're a friggin' Einstein."

If I was going to be a slave to my own sick hormones, I wasn't! I'd rather never have sex again than deal with desiring dick more than Starbucks (pre- LatteGate.) If I wasn't born a beta, I'll _make_ myself one! Or I guess technically a eunuch? Well, whatever! Even that would be better than a disgusting omega!

In one hand I held my penis out, from under that stupid paper hospital gown. In my other hand trembled the knife, pressed against the base of my penis, ready to cut. "I'm gonna UN-omega myself, HA!" I said, with a crazy look in my eyes :'D

"America, don't!" begged Canada. "That won't work! Even if you cut off both your penis and testicles, you'll still go into heats! It's not controlled by your external male parts, but by internal female ones."

"Soooo …. I'd still leak anal juice every month?"

Canada nodded nervously.

I dropped the knife to the floor. It went CLANG! Then I let out a heavy, heartbroken sigh. It was dramatic.

"WOE IS ME! Then I guess call Italy. Because otherwise I'm gonna go crazy. I need all the help he can give me."

I did not mean for all that to rhyme. I ruined my big dramatic cry for help! Oops :/

X

LATERZ

So I went to visit Italy! What an unpleasant flight though. I don't think us countries were meant to fly while in heat. I mean, you never see birds fucking while they're flying do you? Wait, do birds go into heat? The more I _don't_ know …

I was very uncomfortable even though I fly first class because I am a country and get special treatment (don't hate.) I had to keep wearing a diaper because of my ass drippings, which made me super self conscious because I'm sure people around could hear that swish swish sound a diaper makes when you walk and they probably thought I shit myself or something. Also I was still horny af due to being in heat so I kept running to the bathroom to jerk off. I know if you have sex on a plane it's called joining the Mile High Club, but what is it called if you masturbate on a plane? I dunno but it felt like Mile LOW Club :(

(Not to be confused with Lowe's.)

Thank God for that little table tray thing that hangs onto the back of chairs. It did an okay job of hiding my boner that would come and go on a whim like Quizno's stores. What happened, Quizno's? You had a pepper bar. By the way, the TSA did not even catch my boner! They patted me down and didn't even notice. Shouldn't my sexy shudder I involuntarily did because it felt nice to be touched when in heat been a clue? That thing could have been a weapon, and then what? But then again, their failure rate is something like 98% (yeah really) so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised! And I got away with my motherfuckin' snake on this motherfuckin' plane.

Finally, we landed, and I took a cab to Italy's house. I was disappointed by that because I thought in Italy everyone traveled by gondala getting serenaded but apparently not :(

When I arrived, I knocked on the door. Italy opened it and happily said, "Welcome to my house!" but he did not say it like how Flo Rida does in that song. Which is also a disappointment because they use that song in the Pizza Hut commercials, and isn't Italy's house like the ultimate Pizza Hut when you think about it? Think about it.

"Oh, I guess I'll just carry my own bags then, even though I'm the guest," I said, being salty.

Italy waved me in. "Come in, come in, make yourself at home!" he said, beaming. "I'm just a-finishing up making lunch! Go get changed and settled and then we can eat!"

"Yeah, I need to change my diaper."

This was my sad, pathetic life now :(

So I went upstairs and after changing clothes and my diaper, and rubbing one (okay three) out, I came back downstairs. As I was walking down the stairs, I smelled what smelled like Olive Garden. But times like 100.

I followed the smell into the kitchen. When I walked in, I could not believe my eyes! :O There was food everywhere! Spaghetti, lasagna, linguine, pizza, ravioli, breadsticks, bruschetta, calzones, macaroni, fettuccine, ziti, penne, carbonara, tortellini, risotto, plus lots of other stuff I didn't even know the names of! And I don't mean there was like a sampling of each, I mean he had a huge table plus counter tops completely filled with HUGE bowls and whole loaves and whole pies of this stuff! Like a big buffet! It looked like the biggest Cici's ever! Except like not shitty.

Italy had an apron on and was stirring a bowl of something. "I hope I made enough food!" he said.

"Haha, oh my God," I said. "This is even more Italian food than when I had the Never Ending Pasta Pass at Olive Garden." Yes, I am one of the elite few who got one of the limited, now sold out Never Ending Pasta Passes. Best 100 dollars I ever spent.

"Dig in!" said Italy ^-^

So I did. We both got plates and loaded them up! I got two plates at once. We brought them into another room which I guess was the dining room to eat. I thought we were just gonna go sit on the couch and eat like I do at my house but I guess Italy is more ~fancy~ than that.

"Soooo ..." started Italy, sitting across from me at the table, eating a pizza, "... Japan told me all about your new problem!"

"Yeah, I hope you can help me," I replied, eating some spaghetti. It was even better than Spaghetti-O's! Wowee! "I'm not used to being a gross omega and am having a rough time with it. In fact I am penis-cidal."

"Wow!" said Italy. "I don't know what that is but it sounds bad!"

"It means I tried to suicide my penis," I said. "Like by cutting it off. The balls too."

Italy choked for a minute on his bruschetta. "VE? ! You can't cut off your penne noodle and meatballs! Wow, you are a-worse off than I thought!"

"Well, help me, Italy!" I pleaded! While eating lasagna. "How do you cope with being a revolting omega? Teach me your disgusting ways!"

"Oh, I already am!" he replied cheerfully, eating a breadstick. "Why do you think I made so much food?"

"This isn't how you normally eat?"

"Haha, I wish! But no, I made lotsa spaghetti and other food because one of the best distractions from heats … or pretty much any of life's problems really … is to just eat and eat and eat until you can't eat anymore! Then you pass out from a food and carb coma. Or as we call it in Italian, a siesta!"

"Oh my God, I love your culture, Italy." :'D

So we just kept eating and eating. You should have seen how much food Italy could put away! And where the hell is he putting it too? Skinny bitch.

"Is this really all you gotta do to get through a heat?" I asked, stuffing myself with some ravioli.

"Mm!" replied Italy affirmatively, mouth full of balsagna. "Sometimes! I have a couple other tricks if it doesn't help though."

So we kept eating and eating until my stomach felt super painfully full. "Oooh ..." I groaned in pain. "I couldn't eat another bite," I said, eating a bite of linguine.

"Do you still feel the heat?" asked Italy, eating a calzone.

"Yes," I said. "Do you?"

"Oh, I finished my heat before you got here." That lucky bitch. "I just did this for you!"

"Ugh, I think I'm gonna puke."

"Oh! I also made dessert, yay! You want some?"

"Um, duh! Bring it on!"

I was stuffed, but Italy clearly knew what he was doing. I mean he finished his heat in like 2 days. That's pretty efficient! I might be able to deal with 2 days a month of this bullshit. Especially if it meant eating a whole buffet! Shoney's is gonna friggin' hate me :D

Italy brought out gelato and cannolis and tiramisu and other delicious carb heavy desserts I didn't know the names for. My mouth watered as much as my asshole! It looked so good! I gobbled several down and felt awful! So then I went and took a nap on the couch, as per Italian tradition.

I woke up a couple hours later. "Ughhh ..." I said, rubbing my eyes. "... somebody needs a diaper change ..."

I guess me talking woke up Italy, who was sleeping on the floor for some reason. "Ahh!" He sat and stretched. "That was a good nap!"

I felt like crap. I was tired and cranky and bloated and my stomach hurt and yet I was still horny as hell. "Italy, it didn't work! I'm still miserable from the heat."

"Hmm!" He brought his hand to his chin like he was thinking. "Usually extreme a-gluttony and sleeping it off helps me! But sometimes I do gotta try something else."

"Like what?"

Just then, someone else came in the room! Wow! I bet you were not expecting that. Surprise, y'all!

"Um, I know you don't think _I'm_ cleaning up that huge ass mess in the kitchen," said Romano, entering stage left. The audience clapped and whooed his entrance. "Even if I eat some of the food, I'm still not help—what the hell. You didn't tell me we have a guest!"

"Weee, hey Romano!" said Italy, still sitting on the floor. "Yeah, sorry, I meant to tell you! America is visiting. He's going through his ..." Italy's voice dropped to a whisper, "... _special time_."

"Well, whoopidy damn do!" Romano swayed a little where he stood. He held a bottle of something in his hand. "Who cares! We've been dealing with this shit for fucking decades. Welcome to our world, bastard!"

"Romano hates being an omega too, just like you, America!" Italy said to me. Then to Romano he said, "You have perfect timing! I was just about to tell America how a-drinking wine helps with heats! What kind is that in your hand?"

Romano looked at the bottle and squinted his eyes. "I don't fucking know. I'm too drunk to read good. Blurry cursive words or some shit."

"Ooh, that's my favorite kind!" said Italy happily ^-^

"No, get your fucking own, asshole."

"Okay!" ^-^

So Italy went into his wine cellar and got a bottle of nice Italian wine. Yeah, Italy has a wine cellar. He came back and poured both of us a glass.

We sat in what I guess was the living room, on the couch. Romano sat in a nearby chair, drinking wine from the bottle.

But I was a classy guy and drank it out of the wine glass Italy gave me. I held it by the stem and swirled it, acting like I was a fancy person. Hmm, yes.

"This is a good wine!" said Italy. "Do you like it, America?"

"It's all right," I replied. "I'm not a huge wine guy, I mean it's no Starbucks, but it's drinkable."

"Starbucks fuckin' sucks," slurred Romano, sliding lazily down on the chair. "That's not real coffee!"

"They do suck. They under-fill lattes," I said.

"I love drinking wine." That was regular Italy. "I like to drink when I'm in heat so I get drunk and don't feel it anymore."

"Goin' into heats fucking sucks too!" bitched Romano. "I hate it! Why do we even go into heat anyway? What are we, _fuckin' dogs?_ "

"That's what I said!" That's what I said.

"I'd cut my own damn _cazzo e coglioni_ off if it meant no more heats!" said Romano. I'm assuming those words meant something like cock and balls, but since almost all Italian I know is Italian foods, it sounded delicious to me. Mmm, cazzo e coglioni.

"Mama mia!" exclaimed a surprised Italy, spitting out his wine.

Romano took another big swig of wine and said, "I would! It makes me crazy! I sure don't do things like a-masturbate to watersports porn and shove wine bottles up my ass when I'm _not_ in heat! Fuck this shit!"

I sipped my wine like a fancy ass person. "So how do you cope with heats then?"

"I just told you! I watch fucked up porn and shove stuff up my ass! Open your fuckin' ears, asshole!"

"And I take it you do not wish to do these things?" Lol why do I sound _more_ coherent when a little drunk?

"No, I fuckin' hate it! You think I like wearing diapers like a baby? Fuck that!" Romano went to drink more wine but nothing came out because it was empty. He threw the bottle on the floor and it shattered. "Ugh, DAMN! I wish I was an alpha! Then I would be pounding ass and pussy all fuckin' day! I'm so jealous of those bastards."

I sighed. "I just wish I could go back to being a beta. Life was so simple then! Oh the good ol' days … of like 2 days ago ..."

"Pssh and yeah good luck with coping in your country, America." Romano said that sarcastically. "I heard some asshole politician of yours is trying to ban dildos. Guess you will have to get creative!"

Yes, it is true. For those of you who don't know, loser presidential nominee Ted Cruz is trying to pass legislation to ban dildos. Yes, for real. I know what you are thinking boys and girls. "But America, he didn't win the nomination so it's okay!" Yeah but he's still a senator. They're the ones who pass laws and stuff. I know what you are thinking now boys and girls. "I guess I better stock up on dildos then!" Yeah, you best. I don't think they have expiration dates, so stockpile that shit.

"Ve, you guys!" whined Italy. "You're so negative! Being an omega isn't that bad!"

I scoffed at him. "Yeah, it is! And by the way, you have not helped me cope with my heat, like at all. What was even your advice? Engorge on a shit ton of food, take naps, and drink wine? So basically your normal lazy ass life."

"Hahaha," laughed Romano. "That is so true."

"Well, everyone is different!" said Italy. "That's what helps me."

"Well, it didn't help me! I'm still miserable and horny and want to fuck this couch and I hate it. I am doomed to suffer ETERNALLY! For a few more days."

Italy sighed. "I'm sorry my advice didn't help you! But if you really wanna end it you could always … well ..." He trailed off and just looked down at his wine glass.

"Well what?"

"... let an alpha … you know … _relieve_ you," he said sheepishly.

"EEW!" I exclaimed. "No way! I don't want some weird alpha dog dick up my ass! THAT'S FRIGGIN' DISGUSTING SCREW THAT does that really end it UGH I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D EVEN SUGGEST THAT, ITALY!"

"Hahaha," laughed drunk Romano. "Yeah, take it up the ass, America, haha!"

"It _does_ work!" said Italy. "If an alpha knots with you, your heat ends. It tricks your body into thinking it's pregnant, which is the point of a heat in the a-first place."

"WHAT!" :O "Nobody told me that! Is that really true? !"

"Oh, it's true," snickered Romano. "I learned that firsthand one fateful night in Pamplona, when I wanted to run with the bulls to prove how manly I am, as all asshole guys like myself like to do. But of course the night before the bull run, I went into fuckin' heat early! I thought I would have to skip the bull run, but I just let a certain alpha take care of it for me, so I was back to my normal self by morning."

"You did not outrun those bulls though," said Italy.

"Shut up, Italy."

"Wowzers!" I exclaimed! "I guess it really was a good idea to talk to other omegas for advice after all. You guys are giving me all kinds of inside street knowledge! What else can you tell me?"

"You can fuck a beta, and it'll feel good, but it won't end your heat," said Romano.

I was scribbling this down on a handy dandy notebook that I suddenly had. "Ooh, interesting! This is good info. What else?"

"You can even fuck a womens, or another omega during a heat, but same damn thing. It won't end your heat. Only an alpha who knots with you will."

I was taking notes like I was gonna be quizzed on this shit. "Good to know! More please! Not that I'm planning on taking it up the ass or anything. This is just information that I should know now that I'm an omega, of course."

"Regular condoms don't work on alpha cock. They get shredded when it expands."

I fanned myself. It was getting hot in hurr. "Goodness gracious. What … um … what does alpha cock feel like? I-I'M JUST CURIOUS! N-not like I'm gonna let some asshole alpha have his way with me or anything."

Romano smirked at me. "Heh … there's no shame in it, America. We're just following our natural urges, right? If you get around an alpha when you're in heat you're gonna lose it. It fuckin' sucks, but that's just the way it is."

"What do you mean?"

"They have a smell too. And normally you're like whatever, but when you're in heat, it's gonna drive you wild. So don't go around any stupid alphas when you're in heat unless you wanna beg to take it up the ass."

Now that he mentioned it, I always did notice that other countries had smells different than humans. It didn't do anything for me because I didn't come into heat yet, but I had noticed it. I just thought they were smelly countries who didn't bathe enough! Well that's still true for France but I guess not the others, wow!

"I have learned so much, you guys," I said. "Thank you for enlightening and terrifying me."

"Hey guys!" said Italy. Like regular ass Italy. I know he hasn't talked for a while but he was still there. "Check out my breadstick house, hehe!"

Apparently while Romano and I were having grown up talk, Italy had built a little fort around him made entirely of breadsticks. He peaked out a little window and waved to us.

"I used to do that with couch cushions when I was younger," I said, pulling off one of the breadsticks and taking a bite. "About three months ago. Good times."

"Eh, just so you know ..." started Romano, talking to me. "He's not doing that just because he's fuckin' stupid. I mean, he _is_ fuckin' stupid, but this is something else. Sometimes after omegas finish a heat they like to build things like this … it's called nesting. It's to prep for a baby. But since we never actually get pregnant, it's just a dumb behavior our damn hormones make us do. It's so annoying!"

"Hey Romano," started Italy from his breadstick house, "Remember that time you made a nest from coffee cups? Then you accidentally knocked one cup over and they all fell down like dominoes?"

"Wait you guys have Domino's here?" I asked.

"UGH, yeah I remember!" shouted Romano. "That fuckin' sucked! I worked damn hard on Cappuccino Manor."

So now I am gonna build little forts after heats for no reason. Ooh, I could make mine out of Mega Bloks! (Those are the cheap versions of Legos for all you rich people who don't know. Legos are friggin' expensive.)

"I can't believe there is so much I didn't know about omegas and alphas!" I said in awe! :O "What else don't I know?"

"Well, _I_ just learned something new myself," began Romano with a smirk. "That there is a company online now that actually makes alpha dildos."

"What do you mean?" I asked. "They make fake dog dicks?"

"No, like … they make them so that they can expand once inside you, like how alphas do. Like it supposedly can actually knot you. It uses a balloon apparatus and you put it in and you inflate it inside your rectum or something like that. Supposedly it really looks like alpha dick too."

"Is … is that right ..." I squirmed in my seat a little. All this talk of alpha dick was getting to me.

Romano kept talking, "I don't know all the details but Poland gave it rave reviews and said it was almost as good as the real thing."

(Poland is an omega too. But you probably figured that out. I mean, just look at him, LOL.)

"I wonder how they knew! One of the alphas must have modeled or something, haha! That's just crazy." An awkward silence set in. I wiped a little sweat off my face that was feeling hotter than it should have. "WELL THEN! It's getting late. I think I'm gonna turn in for the night. Italy, you got Wifi right? In case I needed to go online to … find something."

"Hahahaha," laughed Romano. I think he was on to me.

X

LATERS

I went upstairs and took a long shower. I jerked off a couple times (yeah including butt stuff if you were wondering) (I know you were) until the water got cold, then I gave up and got in my PJ's. I sat on the guest bed Italy let me use for the night with my iPad Pro.

I was Googling that alpha dildo Romano was talking about. Don't you judge me, boys and girls! I can't believe I was looking that up either but hey these hormones were kicking my ass. And by kicking I mean getting it wet. I was getting so horny just reading the product description that my ass juices were getting my diaper soaked! Damn, I just changed that thing. I don't care how many Q&A they answer, Amazon's descriptions never did _that_ to me before …

"Add to cart? Oh hell yessss … where is rush delivery- WAHH!"

I startled because I did not realize I was signed onto Skype. Germany had interrupted my online shopping experience to request a voice chat. He doesn't call unless it's for official worldly crap so I figured I better answer or I'd have to listen to him bitch about it later.

"Yo," I said, accepting his request. I am very street and cool with my greetings.

"Hello, America," said Germany. He looked like basic Germany. "I vas just checking in on you and your health. I heard you were out of the hospital. Has Italy been able to help you vile in estrus?"

What'd he say, Eustace? The old guy from Courage the Cowardly Dog?

"No, Italy hasn't helped me with CRAP," I said. "I'm still sitting here a dripping, raging pile of stupid omega hormones except now I'm bloated from eating like seven pounds of pasta and bread and shit."

"That could also be from your heat. It causes your uterus to swell, since it's engorged with blood, giving the appearance of bloating," said Germany like he was Wikipedia.

"What!" I exclaimed D: "I have _a uterus? !_ GROSS! Ugh, God, being an omega sucks, man!"

"You didn't know that? Vat did you think a baby vould develop in if a heat cycle resulted in a successful pregnancy?"

"I didn't think about it at ALL!" The day I realized male omegas would have butt babies- BUTT BABIES- I stopped. That was as far as I ever wanted to go. BUTT BABIES YOU GUYS.

Butt babies :I

"You still have a lot to learn about being an omega, America."

Hey if I'm an omega, instead of Skype, shouldn't I be on Omegle? HAHAHA that shit was funny. You better have laughed at my pun.

I folded my arms angrily! "Well, it ain't like anyone's written a book on this crap."

"Vat? Belarus wrote a book on it back in 1804."

"Well, that is friggin' terrifying."

"Hmm." Germany looked distracted for a moment. "France is requesting to join in our video chat-"

"Don't accept him-"

"-I accepted him."

"Fffff-"

"Bonjourrrr~!" said France, suddenly appearing on my screen. Why was I allowing this? "Oh, hello, America! Are you still in ze midst of le seasonal, carnal amour of le flesh?"

"Yes."

"Honhonhon!" he laughed Frenchly. "What a miserable creature you must be! Isn't it torture to keep pleasuring yourself and get no relief? To fill yourself until you can't fit anymore and yet it's still not enough? To sin over and over and yet neither God nor Satan assuages your misery? "

"YES."

France licked his lips and then said, "I can end your suffering, America. Spend a night with me. It's what your body craves …. and _needs._ "

"Ugh, NO!" said my mouth. But my butt fluids leaked just a little extra when he said that. My ass betrays me!

" _France_ ..." Germany started very sternly like he was warning France.

"What?" France asked defensively. "I am just offering my le services! It's not like we can smell each other over the le internets so we're not driven mad by hormones." Then he winked and whispered, "... _mostly._ " ;)

 _What was the 'mostly' he meant?_ I wondered as I ignored my cock twitch slightly. MUST IGNORE.

Just then, I realized a fourth username was suddenly among our chat group! Did you know up to TEN people were allowed by Skype? Wow! Anyway, it was England.

"So are we just having world meetings online now?" asked England, drinking a tea. "Because whilst I am still figuring out how to work Skype, I must admit it will save me a lot of time."

"NO!" shouted Germany. "Skype is not the proper vessel to show my diagrams! YOU MUST SEE MY DIAGRAMS PROPERLY!"

Germany loves diagrams, you guys.

"Fine," said England saltily. "Then let's schedule a date and get on with this."

"According to my math from America's heat start date, he should be finished by next Tuesday," said Germany.

"If efficiency is ze goal ..." France did a sassy gay hair flip. "I can end it _tonight_ and we can have ze meeting tomorrow."

"Ugh, AS IF!" I replied, channeling the American film classic _Clueless._

"Oh, we have another request to join," said Germany.

I was getting frustrated. I did not want to admit that just talking to three alphas via video chat was starting to really get to me. I may not be able to smell them, but just knowing they were alphas made me dripping wet. I shifted nervously on the bed. I needed another diaper change ...

"Don't accept anymore, jeez!" I said angrily.

"Oh, I already did," said stupid Germany.

"Helloooo!" It was Russia. Of course it was Russia. "Hi, everyone! Is this world meeting online? How nice!" ^J^

Germany angrily pounded his fist on a desk. There was a desk wherever he was, just FYI. "NO! This is NOT a world meeting!"

"Aw, that is disappoint. I am just getting used to internets! I heard there are cats who has cheeseburgers here."

"HAHA!" I LOL'd. "Russia, you are SO LAME! That meme is like over 9000 years old. You are such a slowpoke. Just like in the moon race, haha burrrrn! Your slow ass rockets were no match for mine!"

"Oh, America." Russia suddenly had a dark aurora around him for some reason. "You are so right. In fact, it appears you are still outdoing me. Why else would you have big pink rocket on your nightstand beside you?"

"What rocket?" I glanced beside me. And immediately blushed in embarrassment! D: Because that 'rocket' was a big dildo I had been toying myself with just earlier today! It even had dried crusty fluids on it so they knew I'd been using it! "OH SHIT-"

"So big!" said Russia. "But you so good with rockets, you can handle, da?"

Omg I wanted to KILL Russia … GRRRR!

"HONHONHON!" cackled France. "Someone's been having some fun, hmm?"

"Scheisse …." mutttered Germany, looking away. That means SHIT in Germany, you guys.

England chuckled and said, "Well, isn't that embarrassing."

They were all laughing at me! D: This was like a nightmare! Where was Freddy Krueger to come kill me and end my misery? Damn his striped sweater wearing ass.

"Good thing you stocked up," France said. "As I heard that dildos may become illegal in your country due to Senator Ted Cruz's ban."

England spewed tea everywhere. Imagine an onomatopoeia here for that. I dunno how to spell one, haha. "Wh-what? ! A dildo ban? ! Can there really be such a thing?"

I sure hope not … that alpha dildo I just ordered in another tab wasn't cheap. I hope Obama doesn't see that on my credit card statement. Or WORSE, I hope future president ( ? ?) Trump doesn't see it! Because that would mean he is my president.

"That is cruelty to omegas," said England. Is there a People for the Ethical Treatment of Omegas? Because there should be. We really get shafted (LOL.) "They rely on dildos and toys to assist them during heats. How can humans legislate such a personal matter? What business is it of theirs?"

"Whose side are you on? !" cried France. "Don't you realize if omegas don't have dildos zey will be more likely to seek out an alpha to relieve zem? Like MOI?"

"Calm down!" demanded Germany. "As far as we know it's just America, not multiple omegas. But America … if dildos truly are banned in your country, you should follow the rules and destroy the ones you have and never get another. Always follow the rules!"

"Poppycock!" protested England. He said cock. My ass juices responded happily. "It would be a ridiculous law! America, if that happens, keep your dildos! Just hide them! Don't listen to this rubbish."

France rubbed his chin. "Rebel against ze law, hmm? Zat is the old delinquent in you showing."

"I can't be the only one who feels this way?" scoffed England. "Let's put it to a vote at the next G7 meeting."

"Very well," said Germany. "I vill schedule a Fucks Given vote on dildo bans for next Tuesday." He actually wrote that shit down.

"I am still here," said Russia. "Why does no one talk to me?"

"Because we BANHAMMERED you from the G8, that's why!" said me. "You don't even go here!"

"Aww," said Russia with frowny face :(

"I think you just want to take the opposite side of me," France said to England. "No matter what I decide on an issue, you just want to argue with me!"

"That's not true!" said England. "I disagree!"

"You're doing it right now!"

"I did that on purpose to annoy you. I see that it worked."

"You limey little-"

Then they kept arguing. But I wasn't really listening. I was too horny. I wanted that big dildo on my nightstand back inside me, despite how much embarrassment it caused me. I wanted to jerk off too, like how I used to before I knew I was an omega, the old fashioned way, like grandma used to do. Wait-

"G2G," I said. Yeah, I said the letters like that because I am cool.

"The fuck's that mean?" asked England.

"It means good to go!" said France. "It means he wants le cock after all!"

"No, it doesn't."

"How do you know? !"

"Goodnight, America," said Germany, apparently knowing what it meant. "See you next Tuesday." LOL did Germany know what THAT means? If so I'm gonna be pissed.

"Yes, bye bye, America," said Russia. "Enjoy rocket. Time for blast off!"

"GRRRRR!"

I ANGRILY signed off Skype. It made a gay sighing sound like a fake orgasm. But it always does that when you sign off.

Now to get to work on myself. How the hell was I supposed to explain all these stains to Italy tomorrow morning? Oh, well. He'll probably understand. I mean he's an omega too. I'm sure he's made lots of stains himself.

You know, from like pasta sauce and shit.

LOL you thought I meant jizz.

X

THE NEXT MORNING (cockadoodle doo)

I awoke the next morning, after passing out after masturbating one too many times without drinking any Gatorade, because I could only find lame ass lemon-lime kind here and I like cool Glacier Freeze. I woke up to an empty house. No one was there! Oh, except Romano, who was there.

"Where is Italy?" I asked, still in my Turbo the snail pajamas. "And why isn't he making me breakfast?"

"Make your own damn breakfast," said Romano. He was sitting on the couch looking real tired like he just woke up, drinking a coffee. "He left to go to the emergency G7 meeting they called early this morning."

"GASP!" I gasped. "Emergency meeting? ! Are they finally taking my Starbucks lawsuit seriously? !"

"No, it was about dildos or something stupid like that." When Romano saw my confused :/ face he said, "I _wish_ I could make this shit up."

"Those jerks can't have a meeting without me!"

I got dressed real quick and only jerked off once while doing so because I was in a hurry you guys! Then I washed the jizz off my hands and raced down the stairs!

"Where do you think you're going?" Romano asked me when he saw me jamming for the door.

"To the G7 meeting, duh!" I said with the obvi showing in my voice. "I am part of the 7! Without me, it's just a G6 meeting!" And unlike that song of the same name this was NOT fly like a G6. It was not fly at all.

"Idiot, you can't go while you're still in heat," scoffed Romano. "Those alphas will jump you the second you walk through the door."

"Oh, snap, you're right." :(

"And once you smell them too, your body won't let you say no either. You'll be begging for them to fuck you."

D:

"I can't believe I don't have control over my own body! Is it rape if I normally wouldn't want to have sex with them but would while in a heat and am a slave to my hormones?"

Romano went o_o and then said, "I … don't know."

"And if so wouldn't that mean the alphas are being raped too since they too are just following their own uncontrollable urges too? So we'd be raping _each other?_ "

Romano seemed to ponder this, then just looked annoyed. "I honestly don't know. It's way too early in the morning for debating ethical theory shit like that."

I sighed. "SIGH! I guess I can't go then. If you need me I'll just be upstairs riding out my miserable heat, dildoing myself and crying until I pass out again."

"So a normal heat cycle then. Got it."

X

That evening Italy still hadn't come back from the G6 meeting (it ain't G7 without ME) and Romano left and went back to his house. So then I was all by my lonesome :( Italy is a shitty hostess. Olive Garden sure as hell never treated me like this. When I'm there I'm family! Family with unlimited breadsticks. And unlimited pasta for me because I have the Unlimited Pasta Pass as has been previously established. I hope you remembered!

What the hell was I talking about. Oh yeah. I was a guest in this house, but was all alone. And still suffering through my heat. I was getting so tired of masturbating too. My body kept telling me to do it but after I would finish I would still be just as horny as before. It was truly torture! Gitmo ain't got nothing on this crap.

I gave up and decided to just watch some TV on my iPad to distract myself.

"So this fish actually bit this boy's testicles off in one clean cut, like a surgical knife," said silver fox Jeremy Wade. I was watching _River Monsters_ on Animal Planet.

"That lucky son of a bitch," I said, on Italy's couch sipping Italian coffee which is not nearly as good as Starbucks coffee. It was not sweet enough and was way too bitter! But then again so was I that day so I suppose it was fitting.

What a change being an omega has had on me! Normally reacting to a fish chomping off some dude's balls would be LOLOLOLOL not jealousy. I hate deez nuts.

Just then somebody knocked on the door. Figuring it was probably Italy or Romano doing a courtesy knock as to not catch me mid-fap, I said, "Come in!"

But it was not Italy or Romano or Malta, one of Italy's closest neighbors. Malta's an asshole.

It was England with a big box in his arms. "Oh!" he startled when he opened the door and saw me sitting on the couch. "I-I thought you were Italy. I thought you were staying in a hotel."

"No, Italy let me stay with him."

"Oh." He was still standing awkwardly in the foyer. "Well, that was nice of him."

"Yeah."

England's face was tinted red now. "We had a … uh … a meeting this morning. It ended in a 3:3 tie, which was total bullocks. I don't know how anyone could … um … vote for- shit." England suddenly dropped his box. A bunch of dildos spilled and bounced on the floor.

"Hahaha what the hell?" I said, but then swallowed nervously.

"Oh, damn it all, I am so clumsy sometimes ..." England squatted and scrambled to put all his dildos back in the box. "That's what the meeting was about—the possible dildo ban. When I saw that there actually is some support of it, I decided to get you and the other omegas some dildos just in case they actually do become illegal. It's the ethical high ground, in my humble opinion." He finished putting the last of the dildos back in the box. He didn't look me in the eye when he stood back up though. "But mainly I did it to annoy France, of course."

I needed a serious diaper change. My ass was leaking fluids like it was the Niagara Falls (American side) down there. "Of course."

England set down his big box o' dildos, then wiped some sweat from his mighty brow. "I guess, um … I'll just … leave them here then. There's different sizes, different kinds, so you can … you can see what you fancy ..."

There was this smell, you guys. It was the best smell I had ever smelled, even better than Papa John's Bacon Cheeseburger Pizza, which is a really good smell. This must be the alpha smell the others warned me about! They didn't tell me how absolutely _delicious_ it was though. I was soaking wet and rock hard just from that smell alone. I'd make a candle out of it, if I ever found it, try to sell it, never sell out of it, I'd probably only sell one. It'd be to Poland because he's a kinky omega freak. Twenty One Pilots know what's up.

I knew I was supposed to reply but I couldn't make my mouth make words. In fact I was involuntarily trembling and felt really hot like it was a sauna. Did you know Finland has saunas in his Burger Kings now? That has nothing to do with anything but I like that idea.

It looked like England was smelling something too. His face was getting redder and redder and he looked sweaty af. "I suppose I'll, uh … take my leave now." He said that but he did not move like he was going to leave. In fact it looked like he was showing great restraint on his part not to come closer.

I should have said bye bye and gone back to watching people swim in dangerous water and then wonder why they got bit by fish, but my very wet omega asshole commanded me to say, "DO YOU WANNA FUCK ME?"

"HOLY SHIT, YES."

I had never seen England move so fast! It was like the Track & Field events at the Olympics, but without Zika. We barely got those words out of our mouths before England was top of me on the couch, tearing off my Turbo pajamas that I had put back on because I am a lazy ass. Off went my shirt and my pants, and then we got to my diaper, which England literally had to peel off of my ass because it was so wet it was sticking to my skin. He was so frantic in trying to get in his own pants that his hands trembled and he struggled to unbutton them. As I watched him fumble with them, I shook too. I guess it was just the excitement and nervousness and also embarrassment because I was gushing ass juices on that couch like it was hurricane Katrina and I knew I'd have to explain that to Italy later …

But no need to worry about that now. My omega hormones could only think about one thing right then. We all know what it is … grade A alpha dick, which England was about to supply me with as soon as he could figure out his damn pants.

"Hurry up!" I snapped, lying on my back on the couch, ready spaghetti.

"There," said England, finally popping off the button and then unzipping. He pushed his pants down and out flopped his already rock hard alpha dick and I shuddered as the smell that was driving me wild only got stronger.

I reached down and grabbed one ass cheek with both my hands and spread myself apart. Without hesitation, England plunged his alpha cock deep inside me. There was no need for lube, as I was making plenty of it. There was no need for preparation, as my body was ready. It was ready the second I came into heat days ago. There was no need for foreplay. My body didn't want to kiss or get felt up or to be teased. It wanted thick hard cock and nothing else.

It was weird. England and I had hardly said a dozen words to each other this entire adventure of mine until now. And yet here we were. He literally just walked into the room and now we're fucking. These hormones sure make us do some crazy stuff, huh? How convenient! Who needs sexual tension or buildup or foreplay or plot? Those things are for losers. Just get to the good stuff, am I right? Good ol' hot and sexy D.

And England was giving it to me good. His alpha cock was huge, and he rammed it in me vigorously over and over, driving me deeper and deeper into the couch cushions. I moaned as I came already, after just about a minute or so of ass pounding. I shuddered and it felt great and my own cum dripped down my skin but as soon as it was over I was still horny. I was still hard. And my ass craved more.

What the hell? I thought if I was fucked by an alpha, I would get relief? I wanted to cry. I wanted to but I couldn't. My brain was still in horny omega mode, so all my concentration was on dat dick.

England didn't say a word as he forcefully thrusted himself inside me. It was like he could only concentrate on one thing too. I'm sure I must have a smell that was driving him crazy also. They say the smell of an omega to an alpha is even stronger than vice versa. If so, no wonder England couldn't control himself. I wonder what it's like being an alpha then? Maybe it's just as miserable as being an omega? Being tormented by omegas' smells but then if they can't have sex with them the alphas go crazy too? Maybe I should read that book Belarus wrote after all ...

I trembled as I came again. But it was no shock to me that when it was over I was still hard and horny. That relief you get after a gasm never came. Even sex with an alpha was not enough for me apparently. I wondered how much more I could take.

After moaning through a third orgasm a couple minutes later, but of course still not getting relief, I remembered something Italy said. It wasn't just sex with an alpha that ended a heat. It was _knotting_ with an alpha … whatever exactly that was. England needed to hurry up and do that so that my misery could end.

"How much longer?" I said in a raggedy voice.

"H .. huh?" panted England, not breaking his intense rhythm.

"I can't stand this," I said. "H-how much longer til you do … the knotting thing? Please … hurry and do it … "

England hesitated :/ "Uh … I can try but it takes some time."

"How much time?"

"Wellllll ..."

X

FOUR HOURS LATER

Yeah, you read that right, boys and girls. Four goddamn hours of nonstop fucking later, we were still going at it. I lost count of how many times I came. It was a lot and after a certain point they became dry gasms. I was tired and sore and felt sick and just wanted it to FRIGGIN' END ALREADY.

Apparently alpha/omega sex was just an all out fuckfest. Wasn't one of the pros of banging an alpha supposed to be efficiency? You know, just getting it done already? No one told me how long this lasted! Thanks a lot Romano, you cannoli munching asshole.

As England's thrusting hips kept rocking my body on the couch, I leaned over the edge of it and puked on the floor. My body was reaching its limit. I didn't have any Gatorade.

"You all right?" asked England with a raspy, tired voice, but not breaking his rhythm for even a second.

"No," I whimpered, wiping vomit from my mouth with my hand. "I hate being an omega! It's torture, even when I give in and fuck an alpha like my body wants I still don't get relief!" It's like the universe has played a cruel joke on me! What did I do to deserve this? You know, besides making fun of omegas and calling them gross and disgusting all my life.

Oh, if I could only go back in time to when my biggest worry was slightly less coffee in my cup than I expected and only having to worry about anal leakage after going to Chipotle. Those were the days! Happy days. Sunday Monday, happy days.

I was pondering how fucked up it was that there was a kid's movie about wolves called _Alpha and Omega_ when suddenly I felt something strange. It was a tightening inside me. Inside my RECTUM for those of you who didn't figure that out. And my asshole was already stretched to its limit as it was, because England, being an alpha, had a pretty big cock.

England suddenly stopped thrusting. I looked up to him above me and thought yay maybe he's finally done and I can get a snack. I wanted some Gelato and I wanted a-lot-o!

"Thanks for wasting my time," I said to England. I went to pull away but suddenly realized I could not. It was like I was stuck. Which made me panic! "What the-? What's happening? !" I tried to pull away again, to pull my ass away so that his dick would flop out, but it didn't. Not only could I not pull away but it felt like when I tried I only made it tighter! It was like a Chinese finger trap, except instead of fingers, it was cock and ass. Oh the good old days of just fingers …

The tightening feeling felt … well, tighter! Like something was inflating inside my rectum! It felt weird and I was freaking out.

"Dude, I'm freaking out ..." My eyes were locked between his legs, where he was impaling me. I realized what was happening. "Is … is this knotting?"

"Yeah," England barely managed to say. He looked like he was in the throes of something pretty darn good feeling. I had never seen that look on his face before …

I felt his cock fill inside me. It felt like the walls of my rectum were gonna burst! England was gonna split me in two! Would I ever sit normally again? My poor virginal asshole. I was shaking as I watched this strange sight in front of me. The more England's cock swelled the more my insides had to stretch to accommodate him. I kept thinking I was at my limit but somehow he kept swelling more and more and somehow I was able to take it.

I didn't have a choice! When I thought I would surely be ripped apart if he kept going anymore, I tried pulling away again. I wanted him to Brexit out of my asshole like it was the EU. But of course I was still stuck. And that time it actually _hurt_ to pull. Like it dug something sharp inside me.

England grimaced too when I tried pulling, like it hurt him too. "Don't … don't do that," he begged.

So this was my life now. Taking weird alpha dog dick up the ass. How will I ever watch _Air Bud_ the same way again? Or the sequel, _Golden Receiver_. Lol receiver.

I writhed underneath England as this new sensation filled me. His now fully expanded cock began to pulsate inside me. I could feel every beat. Like how I can feel my heartbeat after drinking too much Starbucks sometimes, except this was in my ass.

England moaned, almost _sobbed_ really, as he stayed locked inside me. His whole body was shivering. But he was not cold.

England's cock twitched inside me. Then I felt a hot burst and from the desperate whimper sound I heard him make, I knew he was cumming. Watching his face twist with pleasure and hearing those lewd noises he made was enough to make me cum again too.

I huffed as another orgasm wracked my body, too tired to make a real sound. I was too spent to make actual cum anymore, so it was another dry gasm, and my body just went through the motions. A wave of pleasure, peaking, then coming back down. I heaved a big sigh as I felt a sense of calmness.

It was over. It was finally over. A glance down to my penis, which was shriveling back to a flaccid state, was confirmation. Y'all heard that? I was finally flaccid! My body was finally sated! It was THE END!

(but not of this story, sorry if any confusion.)

Of course, I still had to wait for England to finish too. So I waited patiently.

Haha, just kidding. I was not patient at all.

"Are you done yet? !"

England sure was cumming for a long time! Is that an alpha thing too? Finally he finished though. He had to take a minute to catch his breath. He did just do a week's worth of cardio in one sitting so I guess that's understandable.

After he got some O2's, he pulled out. His dick flopped out and I got the first look at a post expanded alpha cock before it started shriveling too and it was horrifying o_o It really did look like a dog dick. It was weird and gross and I couldn't believe that thing was inside of me! Can you imagine what it must have looked like when fully expanded? ! You are imagining it aren't you …

"Oh my God ..." I said, looking nauseous. "That's what alpha dick looks like … ugh ..."

England looked offended. "You were the one begging for it!"

I guess he was right. It was what my body wanted after all. I used all those dildos and my fingers and maybe even a fist at some point I dunno things got hazy and yet … none of them satisfied me. They weren't enough. Close, but not quite. I needed something to stretch me to my limit. All those other things did not fill me up. Just like Starbucks did not fill up their latte cups all the way. NO I will NOT let that go, okay?

England rolled off me and sat back on the couch. I just laid there, exhausted. Awkwardness set in as the hormonal cloud lifted … and we realized the two of us just fucked out of nowhere when before today we had never even considered the idea.

Yep. It had been business as usual, then we literally saw and smelled each other, and FUCK FUCK FUCK outta nowhere. That is apparently how alpha/omega sex is. I didn't get any foreplay or foreshadowing or nothing! That's convenient. But what next, now that it starts to sink in that we fucked out of the blue?

"Soooo … what happens now?" I asked. "I'm still new to all this alpha/omega crap."

"Um … at this point, it's not much different than regular sex," he said. "Unless of course you're carrying my child."

"WHAT-"

"Heh, just kidding." England is a douche bag. "That can't happen unless a new country is formed."

"Yeah, I know. Basically we go through all that for nothing."

He shrugged. "Yeah, basically."

We kept just staring at each other :I The sudden clarity we had now that we were no longer controlled by hormones was so freaking awkward. I didn't know what to do next.

"Um … you want some spaghetti or something?" I asked.

"I think I'm just gonna leave, if you don't mind ..."

"Okay ..." :/

And then he left. BOY WAS THAT AWKWARD. I never wanna have spontaneous, hormone-driven, carnal fuckfest alpha/omega sex ever again!

… until about 30 days from now,

:/

X

THE NEXT DAY

It was a G7 meeting. But I was not excited like how I usually was. I heard chatter around me but I wasn't listening. I sat in my chair quietly, head resting in my hand, trying not to make eye contact. Can you believe my ass wasn't even sore after taking that gigantic alpha dog dick yesterday? It took it with ease apparently! I was so ashamed …

"Attention everyone," said Germany loudly over everyone else. "Quiet down so that we can begin, please." The others actually shut up. "Thank you all for coming. I'm glad we were able to reschedule this meeting for sooner than anticipated."

Due to my heat ending early! He basically said it in front of everyone! OMG I was so embarrassed. I sunk deeper into my chair.

"America, you have the floor," said Germany.

I nervously stood up. "Uh, thanks Germany. Yeah, everyone, I have some important news. As some of you have probably heard, I am suing Starbucks over under-filling my lattes. Well NOW … I am ALSO suing them for OVER filling my iced coffees … with too much ice."

This is a real lawsuit too. Don't you follow the news? It is true facts. Look it up if you don't believe me. And the lawsuit is in the millions! I could not make this shit up.

"Can you not just ask for light ice?" asked Germany, pondering my predicament.

"Or not get iced coffee? You could get a hot coffee," said Japan.

"Or just not go to le Starbucks at all? No one is forcing you to go there if you aren't happy," said smart ass France.

What's with all this SASS and LOGIC up in here? "You guys are jerks!" I shouted at them. "How dare you piss all over my lawsuit idea after you have a meeting without ME!" The NERVE of these people!

"Well, you couldn't come if you were in heat," said Germany.

"So don't have a meeting until I'm NOT in heat, duh!" That was me talking again. "You guys need to schedule the G7 meetings around my heat cycles! I won't accept any objections!"

"No," England objected. "That's too much of a hassle. Should your heat overlap with a world meeting, I will take care of it right then and there."

I blushed super red. Which made England smirk at me. Suddenly the other countries were looking back and forth between us and thinking about how I had a very suspiciously short heat that ended days earlier than it should have and it looked like they were putting the pieces together and realizing what happened …

But then Italy interrupted, "Yeah!" he said happily. "That's what Germany does for me sometimes!"

"ITALLYYY!" Germany shouted, blushing and looked hella embarrassed.

Which made me go LOL. Well, that did make sense. Italy had a suspiciously short heat cycle this go round too, now that he mentioned it ...

"Whaaat?" Italy had no shame. "It's for efficiency! That's what you said!" Italy smiled and said to the rest of us, "Germany _loves_ efficiency."

That he does, that he does.

"In fact," continued Italy, "He loves efficiency so much that for times he's not around, we took photos and sent them in to an adult toy company to have a custom alpha dildo made! They didn't know what alpha penis looked like so they modeled it after the pictures we sent. Now they sell them on the internet for anyone to buy!"

"ITALYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" exclaimed Germany. I have never heard him be so loud.

"Oops! Sorry Germany. I forgot that was our little secret, hehe."

LOL WHAT

The end!


End file.
